Thursday Thirteen #18

Going with last week's theme of songs I can't stand, I'm proud to present:

Thirteen Movies I Can't Stand

1.   Leviathan - Horrible movie!  It's like The Abyss crossed with The Thing.  An under sea crew discovers sunken Soviet cargo and accidentally unleashes a monster of sorts.  The only reason I wound up watching this movie was because my boyfriend at the time thought it would be a great movie to rent.  Ahhhh, the things we do for love.

2.   The Fan - This was the only movie I have ever walked out of in a theater and asked for my money back (at the time it was only $4.75, but I wanted my money back dammit).  If I recall correctly, Wesley Snipes plays a professional baseball player who starts to suck and Robert Deniro plays an obsessed fan who tries to get Snipes' character back to being number one.  Oh yeah, Deniro's character kidnaps Snipes' son for some reason.  Probably because he's crazy.

3.   Jurassic Park 3 - Again, this was a movie I had no desire to see, but because of a tremendous amount of peer pressure from friends who insisted it was going to be a great movie I caved and I went.  Dr. Grant is a dumbass who is convinced to go back to the island by a couple of parents who need to find their son who wound up stranded on the island.  Besides a lame plot, what major motion picture in their right mind would steal an idea from Peter Pan's crocodile schtick?  The fact that a fourth installment is coming out does not impress me.

4.   The Hulk - Admittingly, I had extremely high hopes for this film (who didn't), but unlike the Batman movies (I'm talking about 1 & 2) and the X-Men movies, the story background takes up two of the three hours this movie has to offer.  And I say that at least 10-15 minutes of the last hour of the movie tha actually has some major action is spent with The Hulk fighting mutated dogs, one of which is a poodle.  I have to say that I really did like how they did a whole comic book split screen thing, it's just too bad they only used that effect during the most boring parts.  Like I really need to see Bruce Banner riding his bicycle in four different panels and angles.

5.   Redneck Zombies - Okay, judging by the name alone you know this movie is going to be horrible right?  Well let me explain myself.  My friend Ian and I love renting straight to VHS/DVD horror movies.  The reason being is that sometimes you stumble upon half-decent, if not truly good, movies such as The Dead Hate The Living (trust me it's pretty good).  Unfortunately, there is a good reason this movie went straight to VHS.  A couple of hillbillies wind up drinking toxic waste when they use a toxic waste drum for a moonshine still and they turn into zombies.  The whole transformation literally takes 10 minutes with horrilbe 80's rainbow special effects.  The rest of the movie just goes downhill very quickly.

6.  Rambo - I make no apologies for not liking this movie.  This movie is only about mindless violence.  I truly believe that this movie could have been better if they focused a lot more on what war and feeling unforgotten can do to a person.  I think the scene that gets me most, besides the utter crap that is presented as a movie, is at one point in the movie Rambo actually just stands there motionless while some Asian guy is shooting at him.  Really, how badass of you Rambo.

7.   Batman Forever - Such a promising movie considering the actors who were in it, but with the changing of directors Batman and Gotham lost its darkness and severity and literally turned into a modified adaptation of a comic book.  All I can say is "Holy rusted metal Batman!"

8.   Grease 2 - Do I really need to go into why I can't stand this movie?  The whole point of this movie is for a goody-goody guy to turn greaser to win the heart of a "bad girl".  Throw in horrilbe acting, choreography and songs that don't even match the time period and you'll see why I think this movie sucks.

9.   Drop Dead Fred - For whatever reason, as a kid I thought this movie was hilarious.  Now that I'm older I can see the error of my ways.  Practically the entire movie is about the character Fred jumping around and screaming like a fool.  There's a storyline mixed in between the annoying parts.

10. The Fog - I'm sure I'm going to get tons of crap for not liking the original version of this movie but it's just too slow paced for me and not enough scares (not to mention more than one plot hole).  If I'm going to invest my time in watching a scary movie, I intend on getting scared or at least startled.  This movie did neither.  Now the remake has a lot more suspenseful moments, and I'll be honest, more gore (which I like in horror movies).

11. Rocky - When I go out to watch a movie (with the exception of horror movies) I like to be able to connect with the character on some level, or at least like them.  None of the characters in this movie have redeeming qualities that make them likeable.  Again, the storyline has a lot to do with me not liking this movie.  The underdog eventually comes out victorious after much struggle, unfortunately with this movie, you don't care.

12. Naked Lunch - I actually watched this movie twice.  Twice people!  The reason I saw it twice was because I thought I was too tired and sleepy to understand the movie the first time around.  So, in all fairness, I saw the movie again during a decent hour (the first time I watched the movie aroun two in the morning).  No amount of alertness made this movie any better.  I'm all for weird movies, but this movie is just weird.  Typewriters that are bugs, bug poison that's used as a drug and some sort of alien head that secretes addictive milky liquid (don't ask).  I think even if I was stoned this movie still wouldn't make any sense.

13. The Island of Dr. Moreau - I really wanted to like this movie.  I really did.  Besides having no similarity to H.G. Wells' novel, with the exception of character names and genetically created humanoids, there is zero character evolution.  It seems that no one in the movie really cared about the parts they were playing.   How I pined for Val Kilmer to make his character come alive much like he did with Doc Holliday in Tombstone.  If he could make someone with tuberculosis look, why not a "genius"?

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Header kindly "borrowed" from Digging A Hole To China.

Comments

[Lori]

What do you have against the fog:( I loved them both. Watch it again with an open mind;) Great list!

[Ann(ie)]

Glad none of your hated ones are on my favorites list. :)

I don't think I've seen a single one of those.

[Joyce]

I never cared for the Rambo movies too hehehe..great list

[Stella Price]

Great List... though Drop Dead fred is one of my all time favorites... so many amuzing quotes from that one...

S

[Colleen]

I haven't seen alot on your list, but for what I have seen. I would agree whole heartedly! Happy TT

[ancsweetnsassygal]

Except for Rocky, I haven't seen any of the movies on your list. I'll make sure to stay away from them at the video store. Great TT. Happy Thursday!

[Susan Helene Gottfried]

Aww, come on! How can you NOT like Grease 2? It's the only movie I've ever seen where biology students sing about reproduction in a lusty, enthusiastic way.

Add in someone searching for a Cool Rider and camp out the wazoo and it's more fun than you can stand. (it's all about the camp factor; without it, the movie would suck, yep.)

Happy TT! Thanks for visiting!!!

[falnangel7]

Cool list. I agree with #3 & 4. They both were over anticipated and turned out to be pretty dumb.

[Virginia]

I never saw Rocky or Rambo...and I think I'm a better person for it! :) I remember Drop Dead Fred...so stupid. Great list! Have a wonderful weekend!