Thursday Thirteen #13

Thirteen Things I've Learned From Horror Movies

1.   If you hear a strange noise in the house/cabin/store/etc... do not go and "check it out".

2.   When you do go out to investigate that strange sound (because you know you will) it will always be a cat or some other tiny creature causing that noise. 

3.   When you hear a strange noise a second time around after being scared by the cat, guaranteed it will not be another small creature creating the noise.  It's the killer and it would be in you best interest to go far, far away from where that noise is coming from.

4.   Regardless of how dependable or new your car is it will not start the first five times you try it when you are being chased by the killer.

5.   Just like with the car, it does not matter how in shape you are or if you are a star athlete, if you are a woman you will fall at least once while running away from the killer.

6.   If you are in a large group of friends the saying "strength in numbers" goes right out the window as someone will always suggest "pairing off" or "splitting up" and for some reason everyone else thinks this is a great idea and proceeds to do just that.

7.   Never, ever take the advice of the strange, isolated gas attendant when he suggests that you can "take a shortcut" that takes you far, far away from the main road.  He's setting you up for some sort of trap that he is a part of.

8.   If, upon your road trip, you come across a town that either is:

1. Desserted.
2. The townsfolk act extremely strange around newcomers either by being overly friendly or too unfriendly.
3. Has a story/legend/rumor about a mutant/deformed/deranged person or strange occurances.

It is in your best interest to just keep driving.  Don't even fill up on gas or grab a bite to eat because by then it'll be too late.

9.   If you happen to find yourself stuck in the strange town mentioned above (probably because one of your friends wanted to "explore") seek out the neares town crazy or homeless person.  They always know what the hell is going on and how to solve the problem once and for all.

10. When you find a door or window left wide open and you know damn well that you had it shut and possibly locked a moment before, it's probably in your best interest to just exit now through that door or window because the killer is already inside waiting for you.

11. Don't waste any bullets by shooting a zombie in the torso just to prove to the person that is in denial that the zombie is actually dead.  If they don't believe you, let them find out on their own.

12. If your friend/family member/significant other gets bit by a zombie, they're goners.  Keep them around so they can help you, but the moment they become "unresponsive" shoot'em in the head.  It'll save you a lot of trouble later.

13. If all your friends are dead and the love of your life has been incapacitated, you are the single ray of hope for defeating the killer.  Use all the knowledge your friends have bestowed upon you and kick the killer's ass!

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Comments

[amy]

Great list..Ill keep these in mind

Dont forget to sign up for the Christopher family blogging scavenger hunt! Its going to be fun and we have added more prizes

[Susan Helene Gottfried]

LOVE it!! You've really got the whole horror flick genre down. (sort of sad, huh?)

Happy TT!

[Lori]

I love horror movies and this list is too true:)

[Penny]

What a fun list! I'll be sure to remember all of these next time I find myself in a horror flick situation...LOL!!

Happy TTing!

[CrAzY Working Mom]

Heh heh heh...what a great list. I did something a bit similar a while back. Those things never get old. :)

Thanks for the laugh and happy TT.

[Kuanyin]

Very good post! I'll not forget these! Happy TT!

[Angelika]

Great list! :-)

[Amy R]

Too funny. I'm not really a fan of horror movies,but basically all the same lessons can be learned from the few I have seen.

Happy TT thanks for dropping by mine.

[Virginia]

You're hilarious! :) I think you've just put the horror film-makers out of business!!