A few weeks ago I started noticing a minor discomfort in the middle of my chest. It wasn't like a sharp pain or anything, more of a warm tingling sensation.
Not one to break precedence I decided to ignore it. In fact, I ignored for about four days until finally I thought to myself "Hmmm... this discomfort is still lingering. I should probably get this checked out."
The very same day I decided to go to the doctor I took my warm-tingly self down to urgent care where I patiently waited for about 20 minutes.
Once inside my little room I waited for the doctor for about five minutes before he appeared which was plenty of time for me to snoop through all the drawers.
After being questioned about family health (not much there), heart health (never had a problem) and overall health (again not much of a problem unless you count PCOS) I informed the doctor that I had taken my temperature for a couple of days and that it had been normal, that I had also looked out for any signs of a possible heart attack even though I am a bit young (it's not impossible) and that I noticed the tingling sensation would happen at any time of the day whether I was lying down, standing, running on a treadmill or vegging out in front of my TV.
With this information the doctor proceeded to press and squeeze my chest from every possible angle as well as listen to my chest and lungs and monitor my oxygen level. According to the doctor everything seemed fine. Blood pressure was normal, oxygen normal, everything normal.
He then proceeded to ask me about my eating habits and asked if anything had really changed. I started telling him how I don't eat a lot of meat, I generally stay away from fast food places and that my diet had basically been the same for awhile except for my increase in banana consumption because I love them so.
And that's when it hit me. Since I was a little kid I could never eat a banana by itself or else I would get this amazing sensation of my chest being on fire (i.e. heartburn). I learned to circumvent this discomfort by eating something along with the banana and my stomach would then be fine. I relayed this tidbit of information to the doctor and he asked "How many bananas have you consumed since you noticed the discomfort?" To my reluctance I answered that I had eaten at least one banana everyday for about two weeks. At this point the doctor looked at me with what can only be described as a look of "How did she even make it out of bed today?".
Not one to disappoint people in their assumptions about me I then asked "Do you think it was the bananas?"
"Have you ever eaten that many bananas before consecutively?" he replied with zero compassion or care.
"No because of the heartburn they cause me..." I completely trailed off realizing my sheer dumbassery.
Without a hint of, oh I don't know, a sense of humor over the whole situation my doctor informed me to not eat any bananas for at least a month and to get myself some Prilosec OTC to take care of the damage I've caused myself. Exact words.
"Will I ever be able to eat bananas again?" I asked with true concern.
"After a month has passed eat only one banana a week if you must. Don't push your luck." he replied. And with that he bid me a good day.
So there you have it. I had dreams of dying and my cats eating my body all because I had no self-control with bananas.
Sigh... I'll never show my face in that urgent care again.